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The Importance of a Feminist Posse

May 20, 2012

LOVE THEM WHEN YOU FIND THEM.

I’m sorry I had to yell there but it’s come to my attention quite quickly, swiftly, and painfully that I had an amazing feminist group of friends when I was in my happy liberal university bubble and they don’t exist in the real world. Well, those individuals still exist but they live silly amounts of distances far away from me now and I took them for granted.

If anyone is wondering what the sounds of post-grad are like for a feminist such as myself, it consists of many moments of “so do you have a boyfriend” (bleh, heteronormativity), “you want to work at Rape Crisis Centers? Why?!” (oh, I don’t know, maybe because sexual violence is suckier and more prevalent than you like to imagine), and lots of the F word (and not the four letter one that is sometimes handy when you forget your keys).

The ubiquitous feminist symbol showing one fist. ONE! It’s iconic, I get it. But really, I miss my crew.

It’s terrifying. I hadn’t even realized what a little community I had concocted for myself until it was dragged away from me through the jaws of graduation. But the worst thing is that I feel like I’ve lost my moxie a bit. While I was in school, I never had a problem calling someone out on inappropriate (sexist, racist, ableist, etc) language because I knew I had back-up. That even if they weren’t with me at the time, I could tell the story to them when I saw them later on and they would get it and be on my side.

And now? I’ve been letting myself down left and right letting stuff fly that I never would have before because I’ve lost my crew. Rest-assured, dear audience, after figuring this out I’m getting back on the feminist horse (even though it feels awkwardly hard to call people out these days and have a teachable moment).

I’m writing today to suggest that you take a moment and send a letter to, give a hug to, or bake some cookies for your feminist friends. Appreciate them while you can, and take my advice (as a person who has recently become bereft of all of these wonderful individuals): make sure they know how appreciative you are of them. They’re awesome, sassy, intelligent, and ultimately, there for you (in a feminist or friend capacity).

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 13, 2013 10:19 pm

    Great post and a point many of us overlook. The “real world” can get pretty toxic and you need a posse for a “Did they REALLY say that?” check and back-up. Hope you find a new one soon.

    • March 13, 2013 10:24 pm

      Thank you so much Caitlin! Reading your work is definitely inspiring, great advice and gives me some hope for everything working out and loving life even when it might not work out exactly as you’d thought it would.

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